Check out my ball handling skills.

When professional basketball players go to take a jump shot they have to first set their feet before they can take the shot otherwise, they're likely to miss it. Doesn't matter how slick their ball handling skills are unless they have the proper footing for the shot. Building a foundations in my life is essential for me to be able to thrive. I relate to this in my yoga practice as well. If you don't have the proper footing, you can not work into the most difficult poses without falling out of them due to imbalance.

"Do you wish to be great? Then begin by being. Do you desire to construct a vast and lofty fabric? Think first about the foundations of humility. The higher your structure is to be, the deeper must be its foundation." - Saint Augustine

It may be a simple concept but one that I recently have given a lot of thought when making life decisions. For some, their foundation is their religion; it governs their lives, gives them answers to plaguing questions they have about life, for others it can be family relationships, being monetarily sound, or comfort in the familiar. In my late twenties I have really encouraged myself to figure out what my foundation truely is.

The core elements of my foundation are the following: Location, Fitness, Friendship, Mental/Emotional Stability, Humor.

This entry will touch on Location.

After graduating from TCU (GO FROGS!) in 2007, I followed a boyfriend to Boston. At the time, he was in his first year of dental school and I being a new graduate had the flexibility to move anywhere. I had always wanted to live in Boston so this move felt like a natural next step. I left all my college girlfriends and moved into a region where TCU ties were scarse at the time. With no job, direction, friends...my foundation was my boyfriend. Which I thought was totally okay considering our first date he told me he knew in his gut he had found his future wife in me...

 

Girls, especially girls at 22 do stupid things. I know, because I was one of them. At the time my thought was, he's 26, he's adult enough to handle the fact that I'll be a bit more dependent on him until I get settled in an figure out my career path. OMG, POOR BOY!! Now at 28, I can't think of a 26 year old male that is anywhere near that point of being able to handle the pressure of a needy, insecure new college graduate girlfriend. I became my own worst nightmare...the stage five clinger girlfriend who wanted to hang out with HIS guy friends so I would have friends too! "Friendship braceletts and mixed CDS for all!!"

This would not be the only time in my life that I made this mistake... allowing my boyfriend to be my foundation. I allowed it to happen when a different boyfriend called me hysterically crying after I was out of town for 4 days for work in New York. He flew out after trying to break up with me "due to the long distance" and then 48 hours later I find myself standing in Tiffany's in New York trying on engagement rings. An act that was founded in his insecurities about me having a job that gave me the flexibility to travel. All of a sudden, I felt pressure to make a decision - my dream position in a up and coming retailer or to chose "my future husband." Blinded by love, I made a career choice that included a brutal pay cut with a different retailer that had flexible hours enabling me to "be home more." And we moved in together under his roof on his dollar.

 FOR WHAT?! So I could be there to read lines with him every night, clean and do laundry. Oh and to wait up for him when he decided he would come home at night -- after hanging out with his "new friends" which consisted of a bunch of D-List celebrities til all hours of the morning.

Diamonds and fake proposals are dangerous little shits.

... now, I'm still living in California (one of my foundation goals since college), in a place that is safe, central to most aspects of my life and near my work with a grounded couple for roommates (that alone kept me relatively grounded when I wanted to go buckwild post break up.)

Never again will I be choosing my living situation (or work situation) based on a guy. I have spoken with alot of my girlfriends who enable their boyfriends careers, wants and aspirations to dedicate where they live. Sometimes it works out, but remember, being a supportive girlfriend doesn't mean you give up your life - needs, wants and aspirations just because you want to gain points for being supportive. My location now has me surrounded my 10 + incredible women who I can call up anytime. Who are my core strength and a pillar of support that will not fail me. I have a stable job that enables me to live without having a boyfriend who's waving dollars over my head to gain power in the relationship and I can live freely to do whatever I need to continue to build my personal foundation.

"Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familir, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all if the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous." - Sex in the City.

xx -

Steph